the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
