i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
