Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
