If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
