I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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