You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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