I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
