I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
