She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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