He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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