i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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