I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
