Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
