I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize