Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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