Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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