i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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