I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
