we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
