Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
