just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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