The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
