I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
