ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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