They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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