just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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