peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
