you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
