Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
