Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Im part way to drunk.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize