Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
