Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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