so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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