And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
