just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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