Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
