The maid of honor just puked.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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