very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
