yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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