There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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