I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
