The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
