I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm really busy with my period
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