i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
