I didn't shave. On purpose
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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