Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
