he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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