God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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