those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i came on her dog
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
