There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
