you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
