I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
