I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
