did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
