he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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