We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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