I cannot find my penis.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
