you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
