We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
