is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
