He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Swine flu is the new snow day.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
