I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Randomize
