I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's never too late to be topless.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize