i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
