when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
love makes seman taste better
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
