I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
